Its madness, all the preliminary studies, research and sketches seam to mean nothing. All I can hear is the little voice inside my head screaming at me... What if its the wrong colour? what if you put it in the wrong place? what if you mess it up? what if you are wrong? what if you are right? Its Total madness. Total agony.
I read books on developing a positive mental attitude and dealing with fear and doubts to no avail... I know that there is no such thing as the wrong colour or wrong place, I even understand that there is "No right or wrong, just dose it work!" and work is what it is all about.! any good artwork or painting that I or any one can produce is about energy. Raw energy that the artist binds within their work. The energy that is bound in every brushstroke, that literally leaps off the canvas and make a painting vibrate with a life all its own.
However if we consider that fear like all emotions add emotional content, and is a vital part in any modern or abstract paintings, despite any understanding we as individuals might have of our deep emotional stance, we, as artist must to some extent live with and encourage extremes of emotion if we are to paint worthwhile artwork that touches the human psychology that all of us have been conditioned with through out our lives.
Finding solutions that work
Faced with this paradox I found myself struggling both to balance the need for fear and to overcome its personal effects. The solution is essentially simple "take action" "Just do it" the more you face a fear the more that fear diminishes and recedes, this I can vouch for... as once I have made that first mark all my fear vanishes leaving me buzzing with excitement. The fact is that most fears are not real they are just phantoms that are easily banished.
The more that I have considered this the more I have come to realise that it is not the painting that is holding me back or even the feelings, but rather the value that I as an individual artist I have for the modern and abstract art that I lovingly paint and devote myself too as a slave. I simply value my art to high and as a consequence I'm frightened that I will "cock it up" and make a mess of it.
Art Is Fun ! especially modern or abstract art, even the making of art should be fun and it seams that I have forgotten this…. The solution to this is to get back to basics and start to have some serious fun with what I do and paint. Seams simple don’t it, but How. I sat down and started to write, throwing ideas about and seeing what happened then it hit me.
Make a list of 50 fun and interesting art ideas. Keep it simple, make it fun and don’t take it to serious. By using different media and techniques that are outside the box, radical and even unorthodox, I can play with Ideas, colours, shapes and concepts in a fun and novel way. I know that most of pictures and images produced will probably just get thrown away but that’s OK. I will have fun and explore art as it should be and when I’m ready I will be able to just paint.
The list itself started with a stream of creative ideas, but by the time I got to 42 things started to get a bit more challenging. I have covered all sorts of mediums from pastels to inks, water colour to acrylic, photo and film mixed-media and found objects, even. Dare I say it “Installations”. I have had so much fun with the list alone that I’m buzzing with excitement and energy and cant wait to get started….
I have been making art or modeling in one form or another for all of my life however it struck me that to simply dismiss the product of this project would be remiss of me... Lets be honest the success and failures of any artwork are of value not just to me but to any that have an interest in art and painting. What I should do is make a record of this body of work recording the Good, Bad and dam right Ugly, how it was made, the media used and what was learnt or gained in the making of it...
Now all I have to do is decide how best to do this ? Do I put the work on this Blog ? Create a new Blog dedicated to to this ongoing art project ? or something else ? what to do ? If you my readers have a suggestion I would welcome your input immensely.
